bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
