question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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