is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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