in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
