He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
