Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate all girls vehemently.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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