Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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