currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
