I feel like I'm in dance class right now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
