to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
