I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
