Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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