That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
