I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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