GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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