Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
