walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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