Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
