He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
