don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
