Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
