don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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