I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize