Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
