I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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