I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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