I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
