She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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