I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
