told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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