I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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