Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
