i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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