So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
