Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
