just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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