I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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