my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
