I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
