Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
