Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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