The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
