why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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