I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
