Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
