I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
