I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
