TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You are a genius and a whore.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
