and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Small penises have feelings too.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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