i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
