I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
