So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
