Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pants are for mortals
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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