I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
