you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
