can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
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Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.