that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule