Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??