guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
4 words: hood of his car
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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