this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
