i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
