Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
